Today I had a crave.. I don’t get it often but oh boy when it hits. I can’t focus on typing any reports at work if I don’t have my fill.
I craved Wilson original toffees. Now some of you might already know where this is going by just this small proclamation of my craving and my heading. Your heads already nodding in an agreeing mode, saying “yup” She went there.
I took a very seldom used tea break and did a stroll in the cool brisk air of Amanzimtoti, to the next door garage convenient shop. It did not take me long to fix my eyes on the prize… the stash! Now I’m saying this with the image of a cartoon in my mind. Imagine with me. Eyes popping, the world screeching to a halt and my tongue dropping out of my mouth like the red carpet rolled out on premier event.
I made my way slowly inside the shop, thinking that if I grab a handful would it look terrible? Would the guy behind me think, “geezz lady get a husband?” I decided very quickly to not make my crave that obvious and graciously walked to the 100% hand squeezed juices packed straight in a row … healthy choices ladies. Always remember. Healthy choices!
I grabbed the “No additives” R100 a juice, off the shelve with a flick of my lengthy locks as if I was a Prima Donna doing them a favour to buy this exact juice and some Wilson toffees of course. Now Stay with me here… do that last move in slow-mo…
I stood in que, pretending that I am calm and collected where in the meantime my arm wanted to reach out like that stretchy guy in the Fantastic 4.
My turn! I almost did a little whooha shake of the booty…. no seriously I almost did.
I pushed my hand in the jar, wanting to make a handful of toffees look as if 3 would be enough… realising that that 3 wont kill the crave I dug a little deeper into the container and just to prove, I am of strong will power , I chucked one back and smiled brightly at the cashier… she smiled knowingly, and telepathically she said: “I know girl I know…”
I couldn’t walk back to my office quick enough. I got there slowly opening my packet with my toffees and the juice that I swear glowed in sunlight , because it was so expensive and opened one toffee. I marveled at the beauty. That perfect square of sweetness, hard as rock and able to kill a man by using a slingshot. It would honestly not surprise me that if David used it on Goliath it would have the same affect as a rock.
An instant thought hit me, don’t bite just let it rest in your mouth until it softens. Yeah right. Please take this as a warning what I’m about to share as it may or may not have an age restriction for violence and language…
Popping the toffee in my mouth I let it rest on my tongue, hoping there is enough warmth in my already cold body to give life to this dead sweet thing so that I can at least have a couple chews without looking like a cow enjoying some pasture.
I soon realised I’m in trouble… I pushed the toffee to the bridge of my mouth in my small attempt to warm it from both sides. In doing that it got warm and toasty enough to secure it self to the right hand side of my eyeball and teeth. Now the problem was when the bottom jaw in its infinite wisdom, thought molars to the rescue and tried to pry the now extremely sticky toffee with the help of my dumb tongue loose from where it was holding my teeth captive… mistake NR 2.. now I had both top and bottom jaw in lockdown of note with a Wilson toffee.
Ladies I kid you not, I was in serious trouble. Imagine what would I do or try say in explanation if the phone rang or someone walked in, why my jaw is stuck shut with a toffee from hell.
My mind started to race I had to get my jaw open. Had a split second flash of great weight-loss hack…No stay focus Charlene…. I grabbed the golden glowing hand squeezed juice thinking that the price I paid for it it must have a magic toffee releasing agent… I sucked on the straw through clenched teeth with wild eyes looking if anyone is seeing my predicament while saying silent prayers, please let this work.
Couple sucks of the magical juice and I managed to pry my jaws apart, thinking I better sit on the other toffees to make them warm in the meantime with the hope that toffee 2 and 3 might be softer. I heard the little voice in my head. Girl who are you kidding the only way you get them in your body is if you swallow them hole or chisel them into smaller pieces.
I swallowed the last chunk without a hitch and grabbed the other toffees chucked them in my drawer as if I am scolding a naughty child sending them to their room with a “Wait ‘till your Father hears about this”
Ever since I’m nursing a toothache, my teeth feel as if they were part of an extraction attempt without painkiller. Silently scolding my crave and wishing I took small packet of marshmallows instead. I guess being 40 something one needs to take better care of our bodies and teeth included.
I’m never eating a Wilson toffee again, I’m starting WTA group, Wilson Toffee Anonymous. Share with me your laughter moments with a Wilson toffee.
Enjoyed this so much 🙂