Is there freedom in wanting Justice and Revenge?

Working on some of my feelings with a new shift in focus on #SelfCare, I honestly felt that I have many life sized boulders I thought I smashed up into dust and discarded in the vegetable garden.

I have come to a new revelation this past month or so after listening to a teaching on God’s brand of justice.

I suppose the biggest question would be what do you think justice looks like?  If you jump back to a previous blog I wrote about Delilah. (click here to read it)  My form of justice in that part is where she would experience the deep shame, the hurt and pain she inflicted on my daughter and myself,  the same if not more.  That deep seeded hunger for revenge ate a hole in my soul.  After that last blog I have made it a point to forgive and seek God in healing the pain. To find some form of restoration to the deep sadness I felt on how we were treated.

I read my bible trying to find peace that God said Vengeance is His. I have read this specific verse countless times, and my eyes skimmed over it, never really hitting home as to what the meaning truly was. Chatting with my forever wise sister she reminded me of a verse in Acts and it hit home once again.

Acts 3:26 When God raised up His Servant, He sent Him first to you, to bless you from turning each of you from your wicked self’s.

I think most of us have not grasped the part of what blessing your enemies truly mean. Yes, nothing stops you from blessing them with good health and sound thinking. But is it not truly a heart’s desire of our Father to even see those that hate us being saved? Then by this because we claim to be in Christ and Christ in us, that should be our hearts desire as well!

God is truly magnificent in His way that He shows how balance is important in life. We will always find black and white. Left and Right. Up or Down. That in it’s own way just shows how perfect He is. We scandalize those things we judged as bad or wrong. Never realizing it’s our own perception through life’s traumas and pre-conditions that make us think it’s wrong or bad.

How can balance be found in a situation like this you would say? I also found it hard. I had deep conversations with God over this very topic. I would ask: “How can You say that You are for me when the arrows keep flying?”  I kept asking the Lord to send the arrows back to them . I sound like an insolent child. Throwing tantrums and demanding justice. Do to them more than what they did to us.

God’s justice is not wrath or inflicting the emotions I have over the situation onto them. But in a loving way He wants them to be rid of their evil. Scripture also says, by doing good for your enemy you will be heaping coals on their head.

If all this happened in my BC days (before Christ) I would have most probably baked a chocolate cake laced with constipation medicine.

I’m not going to lie to you. It’s terribly hard to heal the hurt that I feel and there are days I feel I cannot overcome them. I can testify that since my last blog on Delilah, I have moved miles from where I have been as I suppose healing takes it’s time as does forgiveness. 7 x 70 every day every moment. It’s a process.

Scripture says: “You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies,” Psalm 23:5

What does that mean? This is a different angle. I bless them to know their evil ways. I bless with God’s justice and not mine. I forgive them and then God still places me at a table before them?

I come to realize this is the subtle way God comes and says, I don’t stop the arrows. Because I want you to learn to duck by staying on your knees while blessing them to find their way to ME and in the meantime I will comfort you by feeding you My hope, My comfort and My peace.

I have learned that I am creating my reality and experience by the abundance of my heart. So I would need to approach this whole saga with that angle. I need to look into my heart – Do I stay victim or do I predict my experience by changing my heart attitude towards them? If I choose the Victim game plan, the adversary will keep me in bondage. Let me explain what I mean by this.  I found that I set myself in that position of constantly thinking what will my reaction be when they attack or start swearing again. The replay in my mind would keep me up at night. It was almost as if I was an athlete preparing for a match. Ready to stand and react when the onslaught came.

In doing this constant replay I found that fear rose up in me and that kept me tied to the chains of what they hand out.  I was doing this subconsciously. I would look at the daisies and the birds flying and my subconscious mind would just wander on over to the enemies party and hang out there.

I decide if I want to stay a victim from what is outside or am I going to create a new reality from what is on the inside.

I have to walk in the knowledge that I am a son, and to create a new reality from that. I see that I open the bomb every time I walk outside my door and expect the attack or lashing out in a fury of hatred. I understand that I need to create a new Matrix, a new environment in which something is created and in this sense it is me expecting when I will be called out again.

I still expect many conversations about this ordeal in our lives. But I can say that I am learning to look at them as God sees them. Praying for their salvation and blessing them with the knowledge of Fathers heart for them.

So here it goes. #SelfcareGodsJusticeisLove #SelfcareForgive #SelfcareBlessThem