The Forbidden Word

So… how did you enjoy last week’s blog about the fiery Buddha bowl? If you missed it click on “Buddha Bowl” to join in on the laughter. I had reports of some readers reading it 3 times and still laughing at the image of me with my mouth wide open. I must admit I didn’t think it was funny at the time. Moving more out of a place of urgency than anything else.

With that said I have stayed well away from anything spicy for the time being.

I took a hard look at myself at the beginning of this year. My weight has been something I have always struggled with. And please don’t start moving your mind to: “Yeah she must eat a lot of cake” type of thinking.  Many experience medical issues that no matter what you do, be it starvation or working out every day, there isn’t much that will help shed the extra layers. I have tried it all where I am always left frustrated that some things don’t even allow me the dignified result of one inch dropped.

I have been to my GP for tests and all come back with the same verdict. My hormones and big words the Doctor throws around like PCOS and what not. Ugh can we just kick hormones under its butt please!

You may remember my first blog for the year about not making another New Years Resolution in 2022 but to rather take this year in finding the pace that suits achieving your goals in a practical manner.  You can read that again by clicking here.

Part of my no New Year resolution for 2022 was to find a place that if I don’t lose weight I will at least find some peace that I am trying and that even if there are no results in the mirror I will find the place in my mind of acceptance and seeing myself as beautiful and healthy.

I had a plan in action and a goal to aim for. I decided to start Yoga. It seems easy enough.

Lord! Have mercy.

First I decide on the best time for me to fold over like a taco on a warm Mexico day.

I specifically chose when everyone in the house would be asleep and blissfully unaware of the sounds coming from my bedroom, where I am creaking and cracking over like the fluid yoga instructor on YouTube. My first try I immediately felt and most probably looked like, a marshmallow trying to be squeezed onto a S’More.

My first attempt failed dismally and focus quickly shifted from doing the movements to getting stuck on the floor wondering how I got here. I needed to get up and realized I am stuck. My knees screeched its desire to rather not have pressure on them while my arms wimped out when I applied pressure to push myself straight. I somehow managed, with ass in the air, to get up. I had this thought of what a Giraffe might look like to visitors, while it drank water in the hot Savannah water wells. Easing my crooked spine with one more creak and crack, I wondered what the heck I was thinking? Trying yoga on the floor?  Maybe tomorrow will be better. Meditation on the bed seems safer for now.

Next morning I wake up testing to see if my limbs have ceased up from the previous nights acrobatics. I’m safe as I jump out of bed and start my day. Really annoyed that I am so out of shape. Tonight I am going to make another plan. As we come home I decide to go for a walk. I can walk. I have been a pro at it since the age of one and a half. Getting my sneakers on. Masked up. Pepper spray in hand, with my daughter close behind me, off we go. We choose for our first walk to go uphill. Seriously, what is wrong with me? A novice would have chosen straight plains with no hassle to get up to par in fitness levels.

But no. Clever me choose a hill the size of Mount Everest. No problem. I can do this. We go at a pace which is a comfortable, brisk walk. Swinging our arms like pro’s. Smiling behind our mask at the cars driving past. Feeling their admiration at this mother and daughter team doing what is necessary.

Let me just say, walking towards that hill I never felt more like the sound of a breathless Hooya! In the air.

I felt motivated. I can do this… I can.. half way up hill.. What the heck was I thinking? I can’t do this! I’m crazy!

Huffing and puffing so thankful for the mask and hat that no one can see this is her first time written all over my face!  I thought to myself, do I fake a fall and pray someone can jump out offering a lift back to the flat?

Keep going Charlene! Almost there. And we go…to the top of the hill. By now I feel like all the collagen in my body has left and replaced it with Raspberry flavored jelly. If I stop walking I don’t know how I would get back to the flat.  On the top of the hill I turned with a pat on the back. Okay let’s go back home. So glad my daughter didn’t ask for a longer walk.

Walking downhill will be easy I thought.

Have you ever seen someone made of jelly wobble down a hill? Catch a speed hump and stay straight? I would have gladly done a tuck and roll down the hill. It would have been more dignified. Nevertheless praying in tongues as I wobbled down that my legs wont fail me.

At home I thought man , that must have been at least 5km! Well done. I shake my head as I think of that sinking feeling when I look at the app to calculate my distance. 1.2 km. Are freaking kidding me! 600m up the hill and wobbly 600m down! The hill didn’t look that short distance. But nevertheless I did it. I sounded like a hippo sucking on a straw when I sat down but I did it. And I felt good. Getting out of bed the next morning was another issue! Glad I live to tell the tale.

I won’t give it up. I enjoy going to the beach and walking there. Which is another story in itself when you have to navigate loose sandy beach sand when every step you take you sink back 4 steps. That is a workout in itself.

My GP’s verdict regarding my health is that no matter how much I exercise or how healthy I eat. The list of diagnoses and prognosis and all the ‘noses, won’t do much for my weight loss. It makes me feel deflated and unmotivated.

I made the choice to care for myself. And part of that is loving me for who and what I am. I am starting to see my worth as an individual that has a lot to offer.

I will not give up or give in.

I know there are so many reading this and saying I am the same. I want to motivate you today. Be all you can and want to be. Make the choice to find a place where you can be healthy and what that looks like is what you see and feel.

Onwards and upwards my darlings!