Embarrassing moments

I woke up one morning with a creaky right elbow. The shooting pain was more annoying than anything else and my biggest irritation was the fact that I could not bend my elbow to bring my mug of coffee to my lips.

I don’t like Doctors. I don’t like procedures and most of all I HATE needles. You can guess where I’m going with this. Yup! It took me a good solid 2 weeks to get my backside to the Doctor to ask for some identification of the ailment my elbow has ended up with.

My GP was extremely busy on the day that I chose to pluck the courage together to make the drive to his rooms. After an extremely long time in the waiting room I was eventually called.  Doing our how-zit’s and what’s up’s about the elbow he said, do you have time for X-Rays?

Hell no, Doctor! I have a sexy hunk waiting at home for me, of course I don’t have time. Pfft!

Thank God my mouth did not utter the sarcasm that was brewing as I moved to the X-Ray department. By now I’m annoyed and grumpy and in need of a hot brew.

The X-Ray technician was a gentleman. Obviously new to the practice and my first time meeting him.

Good morning ma’am and how is your day ma’am? I won’t be long ma’am. So polite, I thought.

As he prepared for the task at hand, he asked with an embarrassing clearing of his throat.

Ma’am does your ahh… ummm…..?

Are you wearing ahhhhmmm….. pointing to his chest area with cupped hands making awkward circular movements.

I cringed inwardly for his embarrassing moment and helped him out by finishing his sentence… Wired bra?

Ughm yes. One of those. Relieved that he doesn’t have to utter the sinful word “Bra”.

He quickly said, “You need to change”.

Darn it! I thought. I wore a long dress for a certain reason today. I didn’t shave my legs. (No Judgement!) Now this man wants me to rid myself of some form of stability that the wires offered the ladies on top of that the cover of my stubbly legs.

My mind had flashes of how one is positioned like a flying elephant on a trapeze while being asked to keep still so that they can take an X-ray image of you. Praying simultaneously that everything is covered to satisfaction.

He pointed to a pile of gowns and said, help yourself they are all clean.

I don’t mind about “the clean” my man. I’m thinking about the size.

Have you ever had that? Does one size really fit all?  What nonsense. They don’t fit all.

I juggle through the pile quickly looking for something that might resemble a size to cover my lady bits, dimples, and hairy legs. I sigh as I realize the pile all looked like the same size.

Thinking I might have to suck it in, I get undressed behind the curtain that is extremely see-through while praying this dude cannot see me through it.

I get in the gown and tie it up. Really tight. Damn never mind my unshaven legs. I wish my tush wasn’t this wide. Why can’t they make things for the bigger girls?

I’m effectively revealing all my tid bits in a very unladylike manner. Who designed these gowns anyway! No way any woman is shaped like this! I pull and tug at the ends to try to let them meet up at some point to cover my body.  Never mind the unshaven legs.

He notices me standing awkwardly in the room and says I’m more than welcome to sit. I thought dude if I sit now I’ll sprawl this gown open as if you said open sesame.

I politely decline stating I sit all day at work. I don’t mind standing at all. Who am I kidding! That’s such a lie.

He turned towards me and said, Right-O, we need to have you stand with hands on the sides and drop the shoulders.

Geez Whiskers! I let go of the gown front. I never prayed so hard that nothing was showing as I unwillingly and under duress, let go of the corners of the gown I was holding in place. Now with my head held high and my jaw clenched tight. Not breathing I try to stretch my eyeballs over the perky ladies to see if anything lower than my navel is exposed and that perhaps I could tuck something with a bent palm under the covers again.

Before I could do anything the X-Ray machine buzzed and I’m instructed to the next position.

All the time praying to the Lord! Don’t let him see my tush. Please, Lord! Not today. Not like this.

Thank heavens that the following set of X-Rays I could sit down. Second grateful part was that I could sit with my back towards him as he most definitely would have seen everything I so desperately tried to hide.

With tippy toes, knees together and one corner that I could tuck around over my knees I just kept looking if the ladies were covered enough.

Not breathing too much to make everything expand and risk opening the front of the gown that by now, was closed enough by a thread.

I was never so glad to be able to put on my clothes again.

Rushed out to see the Dr for the results. Thankful that I won’t be seeing him again soon.

This event reminded me of how we sit in judgment of ourselves.  This sometimes hinders us from relaxing and just enjoying life.

So who cares if you didn’t shave that morning because you had 10 min extra cuddle time with your child or husband before getting ready for the day?

Who cares if you have big boobs and thighs, flabby dimpled skin because your superpower was tested to the max in creating another human being.

Who cares?

Enjoy yourself. Find the joy in being uniquely you. Being carefree and loved. Find peace in what the image in the mirror shows. Don’t let the precious moments pass you by because you were too busy comparing yourself to the idea of what perfection should look like.

YOU are perfect!