The Laughter that Heals

When I am in public or spending time with friends I have come to realize that I always have a mask on. I never allow the true reflection of who I am to show up and be revealed. When I am in company I prefer to keep my mouth shut and keep a low profile. It’s safer that way.

You should count yourself very fortunate if I came out of my shell and show the very true part of what makes me, me. Unapologetic.

I suppose this was and still is a protection mechanism for myself. A shield to cover and protect myself. Being someone who always carried doubt in my capabilities and most of the time lacking the trust in those around me to not sit in judgement of my witty comments or for in case I get the bible verse wrong or pray the wrong prayer. It has become quite evident that I had doubt in every aspect of how I presented to the world out there.

One of my friends, Sylvia, knows how to pack a good laugh together. When we are hit with a laughing moment (which is many) we are not afraid of how we look or sound, or what the consequences of laughing so much has on us. I mean the odd snort or wheezing laugh as we try to catch our breaths is bound to happen when we start.

We can’t really help ourselves when we get going. The freedom we have to both crack a joke at each other and allow each one of us to just enjoy the expression and release that such laughter can bring.

You know that kind of laugh. The one that feels like a bubble that rises in the pit of your soul and bursts through every core of your being. To the point that our eyes water, we can’t speak and our breath is non-existent and your limbs cannot hold you upright.

Have you ever had that? Laughed so much that you cannot stop. The kind that makes you feel all tingly and happy?

Well work unfortunately had to be done and the day had its chores that waited on us so still giggling by myself and nursing some tender tummy muscles we said our “have a good days” and continued on.

The fun of the morning left me thinking what would it look like if I dared to be free enough to have this mask-less me standing in front of those claiming they know me well enough?

I think this is what makes my friendship with the select few I do call my true friends so precious to me. The handful that will snort and wheeze like a 1940’s tractor that is on its last leg.

I wish I could sit now and include everyone in this morning’s laughter. I could just imagine everyone close to my heart, and allow them to roll out the joy that is never ending.

Sylvia messaged me a bit later and in her message she said these four words.

“Your joy brings healing!”

My eyes instantly welled up. I bring healing? Me cracking a joke. Brings. Healing. I’m just going to sit with these words a bit and let it sink in more. I still shudder with the revelation of those words.

I was reminded of a church sermon a couple years ago. Our Pastor stopped mid sermon and said these words. I remember it clearly.

He said: “Charlene, I have to tell you this, you have been called to be a healer. But you keep on looking at what famous guys like Smith Wigglesworth and John. G. Lake did as a type of method for healing. But it is not in the formula, it is in your relationship with God. Your Identity. And in that identity and relationship you will become what you are called for”

Years after that, I tried to work at my own “Formula” to heal people. Work at getting my faith magnified. Worked at my identity in Christ. Worked on my relationship. I still did not get it during all this time until now. I “worked” too hard and never allowed to just be me and in that, I would find what I am being called for.

Healing through laughter.

I have finally found myself in a community that fits into me. That allows my mistakes with no judgment. That draws me in and won’t let go when I mess up or sound daft when I wheeze like that 1940’s tractor.

I have found the community that lifts me up and allows the masks to fall off bit by bit.

I want to encourage you to find yourself in a community that fits into you. That allows your mistakes with no judgment. Surround yourself with people that heals your soul.

There is more to my story. I realize this more and more now. I can rise in confidence and stand in my own shoes and know I have found the formula.